she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
