ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
