the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
