I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
