Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You can't special order awesome
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
