I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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