he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
