Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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