i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Two words: nipple clamps
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