Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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