member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
