careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
