She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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