Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
