and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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