I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
