Im at strip club and am horny
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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