GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
