so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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