Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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