Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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