I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
