I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
