You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
