Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
