I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
