Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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