im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
