I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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