hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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