I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Quick, to the slutcave!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
