She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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