babies were throwing up all over the place
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
