got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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