I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
