As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize