i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
