so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
