if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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