dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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