Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
