is your mom at the bar?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
