lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this just has baby written all over it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
