what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
