I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
