Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How's work?
Spinning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize