Banned from zoo.
Again?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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