I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
