what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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