Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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