I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
