they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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