She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
