please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
