I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
