If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
