I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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