Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I still have a little drunk in my system
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
