im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
not ubering you a puppy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
