Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
