I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
