My balls are so social today.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
