I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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