she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
