Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
